Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)
You’re the bold confidence one, defying everyone’s rules. No one can hold you to a single standard. In your eyes there are no boundaries. Sometimes you can forget there are any rules at all. But, my dear Leo, please keep in mind the indecent exposure laws in your jurisdiction, the very next time you’re in your sex swing above your bed. Do us all a favor and close your blinds! No one wants to see what you got, especially when you’re in it by yourself!
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)
Demanding and stern, why would anyone follow you? It looks like you know what you’re doing, but in reality, you haven’t a fucking clue. You can prance and shashay your ass all across the stage, but you are not fooling anyone. We all know your goose is cooked. But in this case, its’ black and burnt to a crisp.
Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)
You are always looking for hot action, but you don’t have the electricity. I look at you and all I see is a lame duck. You don’t excite me, or anyone else for that matter, even if I force myself to. There’s no spark. Not even a million gallons of gasoline and matches could start a flame. You’re an ice QUEEN!
Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21)
You are always trying to please people. Running around doing this and that. Ignoring yourself like a rag doll. Tell them all to fuck off. You don’t have to be nice and considerate. Be rude and obnoxious. Let ‘em know who’s the BOSS !!
Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21)
When we were going out, you never showed interest. Now you want it every chance I can dish it out. How did the tables turn so drastically? Is it because you have a boyfriend who supports you now? You spend all day thinking and dreaming about the “Magic Stick”? When he’s at work you call ole daddy over to give you what you really need. Afterwards, you’re always satisfied, a radiant smile across your face. So…………………same time next week?
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You never follow directions. If I tell you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Maybe you just can’t hear because you’re high all the time. Sometimes I don’t know if you’re coming or going. Is it the booze or Benedryll that has you so drowsy? It sure seems like your eyes need toothpicks.
Aquarius (Jan 20- Feb 18)
You don’t have a good memory. If you’re screwing someone one day you don’t remember his or her name the next. You appear to be on top of your game. Everything’s in line, in perfect order, at first glance. But first impressions are deceiving. Your brain is always out to lunch, just like your bulging midsection.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You are so desperate; it's shameful. What do you think you’re doing? You always settle for less. You deserve better than that. Too bad you don’t have the mental capacity to comprehend it.
Aries (Mar 21- April 19)
You have so much potential. I see the spark in your eyes. I’ve never seen you in this light before. Different sensations run through my body, only you can understand. Eyes closed and deep heavy breaths, two dirty knees are all you got to show for it. This is wonderful work you’re doing, serving your country. As you make your way across America, you should be commended and given accolades. Servicing your countrymen, one man at a time.
Taurus (Apr 20- May 20)
You take things out of proportion. You never think! You must be a blonde. What is up with you? You give a new meaning to the term, being thrown to the wolves. Chances are good to none, you don’t even know what that means, let alone spell IT! Trash on the curb, becomes your new kitchen, living room and bedroom set. What kind of glasses are you wearing? Are you surprised no one wants to visit you?
Gemini (May 21- Jun 21)
You are a number 2 on the excitement scale of 10. Why are you so lack luster? I just don’t get it. I have tried and failed. You don’t return calls, your conversations are absolutely boring (I’m glad you didn’t call, I would not have answered) Talk about a disaster in the making. I suggested fun things to do, but you never capitulated anything worthwhile. So I’m done. I wash my hands of you, you ole sour smelly dishrag!
Cancer (Jun 22- Jul 22)
Congratulations, you’ve just been accepted to Loser University. Your classes will consist of: Bullshitting, Sleeping, Laziness, Fucking People Over, Avoiding People Until You Really Need Something, Eating Cheese & Mayonnaise 24/7 Until your pants buttons pop off, How To Find Dates On Eharmony.com, And how to stop buying all this crap from ebay and all those other sites, that you don’t really need in the first damn place, while your car is falling apart as we speak.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Online HookUp Madness
Hook-ups are a frequent occurrence in our cities nationwide. No one is oblivious to the fact that they occur regardless of your marital status or gender. They are often known as booty calls. A hook-up is defined as a casual sexual encounter between two individuals with no commitments. This hedonistic relationship is haply referred to as “friends with benefits” or “Sex with no strings”. The key word strings meaning boyfriend-girlfriend type relationships and emotions. It is pure sex in the most animalistic and basic form. There are millions of people all over the world who engage in this behavior and it is considered quite normal. There are married people, people in relationships, who have always and will continue to hook-up outside of their committed relationship. No one has a specific reasoning for this, but one can postulate as to why.
The first reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is variety. As the old adage says “Variety is the spice of life” and some people live their life by this theme. Things get old very fast and they must constantly amuse themselves with new toys and play things. This goes against the grain and philosophy of marriage and commitment. Most of the time, these new play things do not involve their partner. They can call up their favorite fuckbuddy, sneak away for an hour or two, and have a secret rendezvous in a hotel somewhere. Unfortunately, some people need this constant stimulation or else they will lose their mind.
The second reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is online availability. People can meet 24/7. The internet has created a media circus that allows persons to find each other at all times of the day or night, for that matter. Before the insurgence of the internet, bars and clubs were the only ways for people to meet. Nowadays, you can meet someone in a chat room at 10:00am and hook-up within the hour. Numerous dating websites have been developed to satisfy this lascivious need. Most of them are not merely dating sites, but sex sites. Each persons profile is filled with scantily clad individuals with graphic images of genitals, buttocks, and other body parts. There are no barriers in the constant quest for casual sex. This has created a smorgasbord of sexpots waiting to catch a feel and many people to feel them up, in more ways than one.
The third reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and other drugs lower inhibitions and may cause someone to do what they normally would not do. The frequent excuse people use is “I was drunk” or “I was high”. Guilty parties always use that as an excuse to get away with murder. The person may have a secret desire or sexual fantasy that the other partner is unwilling to submit to or acknowledge. Some people may even consider the thought or act deviant. There is something about a willing participant and drugs, legal or illegal, which makes for a powerful and exciting sexual concoction for those persons engaging in that behavior.
Hook-ups will continue until people cease to exist. Regardless of martial status, the drive to seek out partners outside of relationships to engage in sex is the most basic human instinct and cannot be curbed in anyway. The only restraint one can have is one’s own mind. One must not act on every emotion or urge or else we are no better than the animals that live in the wild. The internet has made it so easy to get away with and there are many willing sex partners who are available 24/7 with the click of a mouse. Basically, when it comes down to it, anybody can have sex, but it takes more effort to make love.
The first reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is variety. As the old adage says “Variety is the spice of life” and some people live their life by this theme. Things get old very fast and they must constantly amuse themselves with new toys and play things. This goes against the grain and philosophy of marriage and commitment. Most of the time, these new play things do not involve their partner. They can call up their favorite fuckbuddy, sneak away for an hour or two, and have a secret rendezvous in a hotel somewhere. Unfortunately, some people need this constant stimulation or else they will lose their mind.
The second reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is online availability. People can meet 24/7. The internet has created a media circus that allows persons to find each other at all times of the day or night, for that matter. Before the insurgence of the internet, bars and clubs were the only ways for people to meet. Nowadays, you can meet someone in a chat room at 10:00am and hook-up within the hour. Numerous dating websites have been developed to satisfy this lascivious need. Most of them are not merely dating sites, but sex sites. Each persons profile is filled with scantily clad individuals with graphic images of genitals, buttocks, and other body parts. There are no barriers in the constant quest for casual sex. This has created a smorgasbord of sexpots waiting to catch a feel and many people to feel them up, in more ways than one.
The third reason people hook-up outside of committed relationships is alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and other drugs lower inhibitions and may cause someone to do what they normally would not do. The frequent excuse people use is “I was drunk” or “I was high”. Guilty parties always use that as an excuse to get away with murder. The person may have a secret desire or sexual fantasy that the other partner is unwilling to submit to or acknowledge. Some people may even consider the thought or act deviant. There is something about a willing participant and drugs, legal or illegal, which makes for a powerful and exciting sexual concoction for those persons engaging in that behavior.
Hook-ups will continue until people cease to exist. Regardless of martial status, the drive to seek out partners outside of relationships to engage in sex is the most basic human instinct and cannot be curbed in anyway. The only restraint one can have is one’s own mind. One must not act on every emotion or urge or else we are no better than the animals that live in the wild. The internet has made it so easy to get away with and there are many willing sex partners who are available 24/7 with the click of a mouse. Basically, when it comes down to it, anybody can have sex, but it takes more effort to make love.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Spoof Horoscopes April 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19):You are about as clueless as they come. You're a great person to with chat with, but after the flash in the pan, there is no excitement. So can you when you sleep with anyone with a pulse? How many different ways can you milk a cow?
Taurus (April 20-May 20):You always cry wolf whenever you are in trouble. What about when you were causing all the turmoil? Not a murmur was uttered huh? Double standards are your cup of tea. God forbids if someone else would pull the same shenanigans you were doing behind closed doors. Shame on you.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): You do alot of talking , but when it comes down to it, you are as weak and spineless as a roach that you can crush underfoot.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): You're sweet and so nieve. You dont realize that someone who loves you is right there under your nose. Take off your blinders mo****f*r!!!!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The proposed King of the Jungle has been dethroned. You are always looking to others to bail you out of the chaos you create. You think you deserve it right. Think again, more like a punch to the jaw. Everyone loves to be around you, but you can be such a cold, calculating and back stabbing bitch.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can be so boring at times. Another case of the boring blondes. I never thought blonds were boring, but you have proven me wrong.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You over think everything. WHY? It is what it is. Don't fight the inevitable. You're a hopeless sap who has no personality and can't get laid no matter what.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Take more chances and you will be rewarded greatly. Stop thinking and just DO IT like NIKE !!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are on fire this month. Things are going your way so far. Minor setbacks have smoothed over and you can look forward to more blissful times in the near furture.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You always appear to be under pressure. This is because, you cannot handle responsibility. You are always blaming others for your lameness and you blow up for no reason when things don't go your way. Plus half the stuff that comes out of your mouth makes absolutely no sense anyway.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your current situation in life has caused you to question your priorities and choices you have made thus far. Cry me a fucking river bitch BOO WHO Get over yourself. Your relationships in the past have been flops. But who can you blame them? YOU ARE A FLOP!!! You have been involved in empty hedonistic relations that have left you drained. But you enjoyed it . Don't deny it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You are going on a trip very soon. Enjoy yourself. I'm sure you will get lots of pleasure whereever you go.
Taurus (April 20-May 20):You always cry wolf whenever you are in trouble. What about when you were causing all the turmoil? Not a murmur was uttered huh? Double standards are your cup of tea. God forbids if someone else would pull the same shenanigans you were doing behind closed doors. Shame on you.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): You do alot of talking , but when it comes down to it, you are as weak and spineless as a roach that you can crush underfoot.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): You're sweet and so nieve. You dont realize that someone who loves you is right there under your nose. Take off your blinders mo****f*r!!!!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The proposed King of the Jungle has been dethroned. You are always looking to others to bail you out of the chaos you create. You think you deserve it right. Think again, more like a punch to the jaw. Everyone loves to be around you, but you can be such a cold, calculating and back stabbing bitch.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can be so boring at times. Another case of the boring blondes. I never thought blonds were boring, but you have proven me wrong.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You over think everything. WHY? It is what it is. Don't fight the inevitable. You're a hopeless sap who has no personality and can't get laid no matter what.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Take more chances and you will be rewarded greatly. Stop thinking and just DO IT like NIKE !!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are on fire this month. Things are going your way so far. Minor setbacks have smoothed over and you can look forward to more blissful times in the near furture.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You always appear to be under pressure. This is because, you cannot handle responsibility. You are always blaming others for your lameness and you blow up for no reason when things don't go your way. Plus half the stuff that comes out of your mouth makes absolutely no sense anyway.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your current situation in life has caused you to question your priorities and choices you have made thus far. Cry me a fucking river bitch BOO WHO Get over yourself. Your relationships in the past have been flops. But who can you blame them? YOU ARE A FLOP!!! You have been involved in empty hedonistic relations that have left you drained. But you enjoyed it . Don't deny it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You are going on a trip very soon. Enjoy yourself. I'm sure you will get lots of pleasure whereever you go.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
STUPID ASS PEOPLE
I have come to the realization that some people are clueless about everything. No matter that you tell them or advise them to do, they still go out and do the complete opposite. When it comes down to it, they haven’t a clue. Which is pretty sad, but it is the truth. People think they are so smart and get diarrhea of the mouth. When you sit back and listen to all the filth, it makes no sense at all. Makes you wonder if they even understand what they are saying. What a waste of air. Makes you want to tell them to SHUT THE FUCK UP !!
So for those of you who lack the discretion to admit your shortcomings,get a fucking clue. No one was born yesterday; you cannot fool anyone, although you may think you can. Your incompetence is transparent and it goes to show one’s total disregard for something we call tact. Unfortunately some people lack this very discerning quality.
Certain people in power have a tendancy to rule with an iron fist in the work environ, but when it comes to their personal choices, all the rules go by the wayside. Say one thing and do another. The epitome of what we all know as a hypocrite. Hypocrites are the most loathed, revolting, egotistical, arrogant bastards on the face of the earth. There comes a time when the tables turn and you are surprised by the outcome. Why? It was an outcome that was destined to be and well deserved. What you reap, you shall sow.
So for those of you who lack the discretion to admit your shortcomings,get a fucking clue. No one was born yesterday; you cannot fool anyone, although you may think you can. Your incompetence is transparent and it goes to show one’s total disregard for something we call tact. Unfortunately some people lack this very discerning quality.
Certain people in power have a tendancy to rule with an iron fist in the work environ, but when it comes to their personal choices, all the rules go by the wayside. Say one thing and do another. The epitome of what we all know as a hypocrite. Hypocrites are the most loathed, revolting, egotistical, arrogant bastards on the face of the earth. There comes a time when the tables turn and you are surprised by the outcome. Why? It was an outcome that was destined to be and well deserved. What you reap, you shall sow.
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