Aries (March 21-April 19):You are about as clueless as they come. You're a great person to with chat with, but after the flash in the pan, there is no excitement. So can you when you sleep with anyone with a pulse? How many different ways can you milk a cow?
Taurus (April 20-May 20):You always cry wolf whenever you are in trouble. What about when you were causing all the turmoil? Not a murmur was uttered huh? Double standards are your cup of tea. God forbids if someone else would pull the same shenanigans you were doing behind closed doors. Shame on you.
Gemini (May 21-June 21): You do alot of talking , but when it comes down to it, you are as weak and spineless as a roach that you can crush underfoot.
Cancer (June 22-July 22): You're sweet and so nieve. You dont realize that someone who loves you is right there under your nose. Take off your blinders mo****f*r!!!!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): The proposed King of the Jungle has been dethroned. You are always looking to others to bail you out of the chaos you create. You think you deserve it right. Think again, more like a punch to the jaw. Everyone loves to be around you, but you can be such a cold, calculating and back stabbing bitch.
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can be so boring at times. Another case of the boring blondes. I never thought blonds were boring, but you have proven me wrong.Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You over think everything. WHY? It is what it is. Don't fight the inevitable. You're a hopeless sap who has no personality and can't get laid no matter what.
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Take more chances and you will be rewarded greatly. Stop thinking and just DO IT like NIKE !!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You are on fire this month. Things are going your way so far. Minor setbacks have smoothed over and you can look forward to more blissful times in the near furture.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You always appear to be under pressure. This is because, you cannot handle responsibility. You are always blaming others for your lameness and you blow up for no reason when things don't go your way. Plus half the stuff that comes out of your mouth makes absolutely no sense anyway.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Your current situation in life has caused you to question your priorities and choices you have made thus far. Cry me a fucking river bitch BOO WHO Get over yourself. Your relationships in the past have been flops. But who can you blame them? YOU ARE A FLOP!!! You have been involved in empty hedonistic relations that have left you drained. But you enjoyed it . Don't deny it.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): You are going on a trip very soon. Enjoy yourself. I'm sure you will get lots of pleasure whereever you go.
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